As Told by Them
by Apple Addiction
Summary: Naruto and Sasuke's thoughts on how their relationship changed, from the beginning till the end. Somewhat cannon timeline. SasuNaru, shounenai.


**Disclaimer:** Not mine.

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**As Told by Them**  
_by Apple Addiction_

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I hate Sasuke the most.

For the longest time ever, I had been saying that, such that even now, I would laugh when I think about it. Laugh at my own naivety.

Because the flip side of hatred is actually love, isn't it?

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Uchiha Sasuke.

I had never bothered to think about how significant that name was. It hadn't seemed important. However, when that pink-haired girl quietly gained a place in my heart, a black shadow was unconsciously attached to her.

I hated him then.

Without a doubt, it was hatred.

He was perfect, and if you throw in all the adjectives linked with the prestige of a genius, you would get an inkling of what he's like. To everybody, his existence was the total opposite of mine. The gulf between our standards could no longer be described merely by the discrepancies between a good and a bad student. However, all these didn't really matter to me at that time. What I couldn't tolerate, was that he had managed to get Sakura-chan's heart. Haruno Sakura. The girl I had been chasing after for so long.

What did he have that I don't anyway? He acted like he's got an icicle forever shoved up his ass by the way he froze everybody with his glacier glares. He was just a _little_ better looking, a _little_ more powerful, a _little_ smarter, overall a _little_ better than me. That's all! So what's the big deal?

Those girls must be blind to be in love with this kind of walking iceberg. I never got to know what's so good about him but by then, the conviction that Uzumaki Naruto hates Uchiha Sasuke had already firmly planted its seed in my mind.

So I kept asking myself, kept picking fights with him, kept antagonizing him, directly and indirectly, even when we were most unfortunately sentenced to the same genin team, I only redoubled my efforts in aggravating him.

He must hate me too, I thought, because his icy glares and acid words never gave me a reason to think otherwise.

So, despite us being teammates, I never thought that he would actually risk his life for me.

So, during the fight with Zabuza and Haku, when he jumped in front of me to block the lethal needles, to say I was shocked was a horrible understatement.

"W-why!"

Appalled, bewildered and dumbfounded, I asked him that. Watching as he fall into my arms, as his pale, pale face and black, black eyes clouded over with numbness and confusion.

"Who knows…" he replied flippantly, "you know… I hate you the most."

Then he relaxed as his eyes closed and his head drooped to one side. I couldn't believe my own eyes, couldn't believe the sight of that pale body in my arms.

I… hate you too.

I… I hate you the most.

So why can't we continue hating each other?

Why must you save me?

I really thought he was dead then and in an instant, a tremendous grief and anger rose up in me. That was the first time my emotions called out the _Kyuubi_'s powers.

I guess… it's because we're teammates.

At least that's what I thought I recalled the incident much later.

Then, along with the crests of anger, I saw images of us in my mind. Me and him. Arguing, fighting, sparring, and when I thought of what Kakashi-sensei said then… Maybe, to me, he had already become a real teammate. That kind of… irreplaceable and precious… teammate.

Teammate…?

That is to say, maybe I… don't really hate him that much.

Haku asked me once, whether I have a special person. He said, a person is at his strongest when he wanted to protect that special person.

_So, do you have that special person?_

Me?

Yes…

I do…

Those people who don't mind what I am, who truly, unconditionally care about me.

Those people... didn't include him right?

But… why… why did my heart hurt so?

I had wanted to become the Hokage and make everyone acknowledgement me.

I want to become the Hokage to protect my people.

Subconciously, a heart that longed for approval had morphed into a heart that longed to protect people.

Did my heart become gentler?

I had no answer.

Then, after being through everything together, the life and deaths during missions, the threats and dangers during the Chuunin exam, we discovered that experiences can really make a bond stronger.

The more experiences we had, the more things we shared, we stronger we would become, the more mature we would become.

So when the Chuunin exams were forced to stop and Konoha had to go into the confusing trenches of war, I accepted Kakashi-sensei's mission to catch up with Sasuke, and after that to fight against Gaara to save Sakura-chan.

"Why… are you so strong?"

When we were both reduced to motionless lumps on the forest floor, drained of all our chakra, Gaara asked me that.

Undeniably, at first I was terrified of him. He killed people to proof his existence, to feel that he's alive, to fight only for himself, to love only himself. Surely, this kind of person, I cannot defeat.

But I was wrong. When I finally realised that people will become the strongest when they wanted to protect their special people, I had already unleashed powers beyond my imaginations.

I… am actually very similar to him.

So his feelings, his loneliness, his sorrows, I can understand it.

However, what set us apart, was that I had my precious people. Those who dragged me out from my prison of loneliness.

Dimly, I saw them standing in the distance, smiling at me.

Amazingly, Sasuke was also there, with a brilliant light surrounding him. He saw me looking at him and gave me the gentlest of smiles, a soft upturning of his mouth. Gentle. Soft. Words I would never have associated with Sasuke.

"I won't let you hurt them. Zettai(1)!"

Dragging my limp body inch by agonizing inch towards the motionless Gaara, I had only one thought in my mind.

I would never let you hurt them.

"Enough. It's enough. I… don't want to fight anymore."

Eventually, what stopped me was Sasuke's mirthless face. (Smile? Gentle? Definitely in my dreams) "Naruto, you've done enough. Sakura is all right."

…Really?

An enormous surge of relief, satisfaction and weariness overwhelmed me. I could finally close my eyes, with Sasuke's face being the last thing I saw.

It even turned out to be the thing I saw after closing my eyes. Before I lost consciousness, I thought,

maybe… I really don't hate him anymore.

But if that feeling can't be termed as hatred, then what is it?

After that, a lot of things happened in Konoha, leaving us with no time to ponder the subtle changes in our relationship.

Sandaime's death opened up many vulnerable spots in Konoha's defence and brought new kinds of danger.

I had fully intended to put my feelings aside and carry out my new mission but never in my life did I expect to meet the infamous Uchiha Itachi, the one Sasuke had sworn to kill.

At that time, Sasuke had arrived too.

Luckily, Ero-sennin managed to chase them away, but not before Sasuke had sunk to the brink of an emotional breakdown due Itachi's attack.

Why… why do you have to force yourself so?

And suddenly, my heart gave an unexpected wrench.

I should say, I've long ceased to hate him.

However, what I felt for him was totally different from what I felt for Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei. Even different from what I felt for Sakura-chan. Yet, on some levels, it seemed very similar.

So what was it?

Honestly, I didn't know either.

The most important teammate? Or should I say… friend?

That, was what I had thought.

But again, I was wrong.

The moment Tsunade-baachan healed him, I was almost stumbling over my feet trying to reach him. To reach him, then like always, give him a punch to express my elation.

However, someone was quicker than me.

I stopped.

And stared at the weeping Sakura-chan, who was holding him tightly. Suddenly, I felt so far away from the both them, like I was in another world, separated by a door which I cannot hope to pass through. I could only watch.

Something was suffocating my heart, clenching it painfully hard.

Then I realised that I was actually jealous. Of Sakura-chan.

The girl I've always loved. I really didn't understand why I would feel this way towards her all of a sudden. I was surprised to discover that at that moment, I actually wished that I could hug Sasuke openly, like her.

How did this happen?

This kind of thoughts made me afraid. This foreign feeling made me terrified.

I was actually jealous of a girl I've always thought I loved because of a guy I've always thought I hated? This feeling left me completely devastated. Could it be… that I've fallen in love with Sasuke?

That night, I couldn't sleep. Lying on my bed, I pulled open the curtains and let the moonlight flood into my room, flood into my head. Bits and pieces of our past permeated my thoughts, striking a soundless chord in me.

When did it start? When did my feelings for him change? How did it change? From complete hatred to complete love? Why did I discover it only now? Why so late? Because this late discovery was accompanied by its irreversible consequences.

If I had… discovered it earlier…

Could I have… prevented myself from sinking deeper?

It must be the first time that the feeling of being in love could actually bring so much hopelessness and distress.

Because Sasuke…

…would never love me back…

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Sasuke left.

After that fight with me.

For a long time, I had been chasing afterhim, watching him from far, far away, wishing that one day, I couldreach him. Despite that he's a genius, I didn't believe in fate. That's what I said to Neji during the Chuunin exams, if you work hard enough, anyone can do it. That's what I really believed.

So, when he realized that I was closing up the distance between us, I guess it was hard for him to accept.

I knew he didn't like it, but the desire to catch up with him, to be his equal never subsided. And I guess it never would.

"I will definitely bring Sasuke back."

Looking at the crying Sakura, I felt a heaviness in my heart.

Because I knewthat sentence contained my same desires that she had. No, maybe even more.

With Shikamaru and the gang as a team, we set off on our mission to retrieve Sasuke.

I would never ever let you leave us. I swear.

One by one, my teammates stayed to battle, leaving me alone to continue.

Finally, I saw him.

It was still that handsome face and midnight eyes. However, they were filled with so much emptiness I felt I could drown inside.

"Let's go back."

When I looked up from where he had punched me to, that was still what I said.

We… can't go back already.

Looking down at me from wherever he was, his eyes conveyed this silent message.

"Konoha and everyone… they wish you to go back. Everyone…"

"Stop it."

Suddenly he yanked me up, only to strike me mercilessly down. Cold smile. He smiled, but it was so cold.

For a moment, I didn't know what to do.

Those eyes, those despondent, hopeless, empty eyes didn't have any will to live.

Those couldn't be Sasuke's eyes. At least, not the Sasuke I know, and definitely not the Sasuke I had fallen in love with. My Sasuke, with his aloof expression, but always full of conviction, who would risk his life for his important people, who didn't want to lose his important people…

This person… I don't know him.

The physical pain was nothing compared to what I felt in my heart. Something warm and wet was gathering in my eyes and once I realized this, it was as if I had been dealt a mortal blow. A surge of helplessness. Suddenly, I don't want to fight anymore.

He was not Sasuke.

The person I love… doesn't exist anymore.

"You love me right?"

Sprawled bonelessly on the floor, I had tried hard not to let him see the expressions on my face. But his words immediately sent me looking up in shock and fear.

He knew! How did he find out? Is it that obvious? No matter howhard I tried to hide, I still couldn't hide my own feelings? Is that why?

**Deny.**

"What… what are you talking about?"

My voice sounded weak in my ears.

"Don't… love…"

I denied. This Sasuke… no, this person who looked like Sasuke but was not Sasuke made my heart sink past the bottom line.

Was I so masochistic?

No matter whom I love, Sasuke or Sakura…

…they would never love me back.

His mocking laughter carried a fatal venom. My heart continued to sink.

"I… I hate you the most…"

Yes, I hate you.

I hate this kind of you.

I hate this you who had given up all hopes and dreams and hurt everyone around you, including you.

This kind of Sasuke was not the Sasuke I knew.

Suddenly, he drove a punch into my stomach.

Completely caught off guard, I spat out some blood and my body doubled over in pain.

"I HATE YOU! I hate you the most! Hate, hate hate!"

I yelled out many things and tears poured out from my eyes.

Many, many things flashed past my eyes.

Sakura's tears and pleadings, our time together during missions, the time when you blocked Haku's lethal blow that was meant for me, the urgency when you rushed to save me from your brother… and now, facing with such cruelty and coldness, I suddenly felt very weary.

Redness slowly bled into obsidian black. Brutishly, he pulled me up by the front of my shirt.

I thought he would hit me and at that moment, I lost hope. I closed my eyes and waited for the blow.

This kind of Sasuke… I really… don't want toface anymore.

Whatever…  
It doesn't matter anymore…  
Do what you want…

Softness fell on my lips.

Only for a moment, then it was gone.

I had only time to open my eyes before I felt myself being dragged and pushed against a huge rock.

Lips descended uponmine for the second time. I could only watch as he neared, watching as his handsome face got closer and closer to mine, until I felt the pain from the bite on my lower lip, then I realized what was going on.

"W-why?"

Using the pause while we regained our breaths, I asked him. Unsurprisingly, my voice was trembling.

"Shut up." Two words, cold, harsh. Once again, he claimed my mouth.

This time, the kiss was more bruising and urgent than its predecessors. It was possessive and domineering and never seemed to stop.

Feeling the challenge, I tried to respond, only to deepen the kiss in the process.

I felt funny and my brain felt like a messy goo.

I didn't want to think about what was happening. Nothing mattered. Sasuke was kissing me. That was enough.

Gradually, I was losing myself in the kiss.

My legs felt weak, like they couldn't support my body, so I clung onto him. He seemed to realize it and slowly, gently, lowered us down onto the floor.

I heard the sounds of fabric tearing, then I felt the chill of bare skin exposed to the air. Before I knew it, there was a pile of clothes on the floor.

"…Sasuke… what are you doing?"

I began to panic.

I tried to push him off, only to be pined down once again.

"Sasuke!"

"Shut up."

Still those two words. Nips and kisses spread from my neck down.

This Sasuke, was once again different from the previous Sasuke.

Still not… the Sasuke I knew…

When I realized that, I couldn't control my fear. Not only this foreign Sasuke, a foreign Naruto was emerging from my body, making me equally afraid.

My body began to heat up, emotions I had never felt before squashed my every attempt to stop.

"Sasuke…"

I felt weird. My body was too hot, I didn't know myself anymore. I was terrified—

Suddenly, he stopped. I didn't dare to move.

Then I felt him bury his face in the crook of my neck and felt his warm breath hitting my skin. I remained forzen, because I heard what he was saying.

"Don't… don't say you hate me. Please, don't say you hate me… don't…"

My brain exploded into a million pieces, each piece wondering the same thing.

What did he mean?

Maybe… maybe he…

Dare I hope that he cared about me?

I continued to stare into nothing. He finally released me from his vice-like embrace and stood up.

"…Sa-Sasuke!" My tongue felt knotted. I had so many things to ask him, but all of them combined into a vague, harsh "Why?"

Sasuke's voice sounded bitter. "You're asking me?"

"Sasuke!" I cried.

"Stay with me… please!"

His feet paused for a moment, before walking firmly away.

That day… the rain was a little cold.

I stood in the rain and my tears felt especially hot against my cheeks.

In the end, I still couldn't make him stay.

After that, when I met Sasuke again, it was three years later.

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**Author's Notes:** I know, I'm working on it. I'll finish all my fics. Promise. But, just indulge me this time. Tell me what you think. From now on, should I or should I not follow the current manga timeline? 


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